10 times the #@%$#%$#...

That's right... for those of you familiar with my vocab - you read that right...

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed below are solely mine and are not intended to offend or hurt anyone, not intended to cause any loss financial or otherwise - they are merely meant to serve a higher purpose - save you 3 hrs of your life...

Ok so I haven't always been a great fan of the 'great' Kamal Hassan... and tend to be cynical of his recent work - it almost always borders on risque, perverse.. whatever you want to call it..

All you Kamal fans out there - don't come rushing at me with brickbats or their verbal equivalents... Am only writing about the dude because I feel 3 hrs of my life have been wasted watching his latest flick and I want to share the paaaiinnn I feel...

Like I said before, I've never been a fan of Kamal and I've never taken sides on the classic Rajni vs. Kamal argument (y'all know what I'm talking about) ... Yet, at the urging of my friends, I went, with an open mind, I might add, to his latest flick ...

Never mind that the theatre was so far away, never mind that we got there so late that we had to sit in the 3rd row from the front ... no, never mind all that...

And there began the odyssey - the movie managed to gross me out in the first 15 mins no less - I mean, come on, iron hooks through the back and hang him from a pole - there were kids in the audience dude! Ok, so I am queasy about these things - sue me...

What started out in the 12th century - yes, you read that right, 12th century somehow managed to turn into a modern day plot spanning 3 countries - chasing a synthetic virus across the globe - just read that - chase, virus, globe - sound familiar? ok, forget that... now think of how well this could have been treated - got it? ok now think of the worst way to treat this storyline - and make it 10 times worse ... that's how the movie was - the worst possible treatment... with liberal doses of innuendos and inappropriate jokes ... oh and did I mention the ill-timed slapstick comedy... Gawd! Come on, do not insult my intelligence like this!

The story was patchy at best, at best! The leap from the said 12th century start to the U.S was beyond unimaginable, not to mention highly illogical...

Fine, whatever, keep the story rolling... throw in what felt like a million cheesy lines, a healthy dose of funny potshots at common south-indian traditions and behavior, a heroine who is like an LP on an endless loop, yapping away to the high heavens and oh yeah, did I mention, Chaos theory - do the filmmakers even know how to pronounce that right? Jeez!

Here's the best part - our leading man, in 10 editions... ten... one of him wasnt enough.. we needed to see 10 of him.. yeah right. Nothing personal here - I wish him a healthy, happy, rich, successful life .. but be sure I wont be paying greenbacks to see anymore of this stuff...

ok, forget the acting, forget the storyline - atleast something in the technical department? Nope, zilch there too! Obviously CG CGI - audiences aren't dumb any more - we all know CG when we see it, but here, you didnt even have to know what CGI was and you could tell - it was that bad... I can hear ya'll out there saying its an indian film, even this level of graphics is quite an achievement for us... ok, maybe, but that doesn't cut it - at all. To be taken more seriously in the movie industry, there has to be a lot more put it... what's that? we don't have the budget? Sure.. fall back on that excuse why don't you... Do I even have to start about the ridiculous figures that movie budgets run into nowadays?

notice how this post has been so negative? bordering on bitter? I am not like this people! I am generally a sunny, live and let live types - but my buttons have been pushed...

At the end of the 3 hrs I feel that it was just an excuse for the dude to dress up 10 ways and hoard all the screentime... and from the number of people in the theatre who stayed behind to watch the credits which had our leading man going through his various make up sessions - well, I feel sorry for you .. really sorry..

Oh and Mallika Sherawat as a CIA agent trained in Pakistan? really? Shoot me, shoot me now!

If you value your time, at all , you might want to think twice before heading out for this movie...

I am going to bed now - after taking 2 extra strength Tylenols... to make this pain in my head go away...

Pissed off with my review? scroll to the top - I did put out a disclaimer...